Journey of Intimacy

Knapp’s journey towards intimacy is interesting, as I’ve seen “couples” in High School navigate all stages pretty quickly, both into and out of a relationship. Before reading the theory, I actually did not notice the similarities between the relationships, but Knapp’s model showed me how they progressed, and that they were not dissimilar in many ways.

The High School couples would go through the “initiating” stage quickly, seeing as they may not have as much time to get to know each other. The “experimenting” stage tended to happen in classes that were in common, as they would experiment with different roles in doing classwork and homework. The “intensifying” stage would occur when they’d begin asking things of each other they wouldn’t normally, like going to each other’s house to study or even cheating on assignments. Finally, they’d achieve the “integrating” stage when they’d start doing a lot more together, even if it was to the detriment of their work.

Usually, they’d advance too quickly, and they’d then go through the “retreat from intimacy.” They’d pick on the simple things that begin to annoy them in the “differentiating” stage, and go on to not talk about their personal failures or what they felt their partner had caused them to mistake in the “circumscribing” stage. The “stagnating” stage would be them staying away from one another socially by migrating to other groups for classwork or homework, and only communicating when it was necessary. Then they’d hit the “avoiding” stage where they’d select somewhere else to eat for lunch, sit elsewhere in the class, and avoid going with them to work together as well as avoid them completely. Finally, the “termination” stage would occur, and I’ve seen it end in three ways: It’s mutual and respectful, one party tries to repair it, or it’s a shock.